Welcome, dear readers, to our regular letter column; a series of missives from and to the internet, delivered by a series of tubes. We welcome your comments and questions. About anything! We’ll answer it, and at least one of us will take you seriously. Maybe.

Your questions can be about comics, or anything else! But uh… since the rest of the site is mostly about comics, we usually lean a little heavier into the non-comics questions. And hey, if you’re lucky, maybe Brandon will even have an answer for you, because seriously you guys - he doesn’t care much for other things.

Thank you, internet.

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Scott Williams (@scottowilliams) asks: Have you seen Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show? How is it?

Brandon: I sat down and watched his first episode before I ran off to work on Friday, and I have to say, I was quite charmed by him. It was much better than his debut as the Late Night host (which I thought was rough, but showed potential), and you could tell Jimmy was nervous, but man, I can’t fault a dude who is just so enthusiastic about what he does that he can’t possibly be cool about the whole experience. The bulk of his opening set was him freaking out over the opportunity, and the people who go him there, and he was so charming and thankful and funny, that the part of me who wrote him off all those years back finally died. Oh, and his “bits” are still pretty fun. The barber shop quartet version of Ignition is amusing as hell.

Side note: when Jimmy started on Late Night, I wrote about his debut for a site Scott, James and I all worked for - and I remember getting torn apart by folks meeting my optimism about Fallon’s impending run with bile and vitriol. Their reaction to my piece, along with their reaction to a few others, were a few of the driving forces that got James and I talking about making this very site. So thank you, Jimmy Fallon, for being enthusiastic and wonderful comma haters to the left.

James: All Brandon’s talk about what Jimmy Fallon’s first week on The Tonight Show was like aside, there’s one take-home from it: if all that sounds awfully familiar, it’s because it is. It’s basically his version of Late Night except with a different set. The set’s not even really much (if at all) bigger, because it’s gotta exist in 30 Rockefeller Plaza just like his old show did. It’s the same show as before, except with some nicer decorations, higher profile guests and a Spike Lee-directed opening.

Here’s the thing, though: that’s not bad at all. Fallon took a while to grow into Late Night and find his voice, and it would probably be a mistake to try and reinvent himself for the bigger show. It’s what Conan O’Brien did, and it arguably hurt his ratings after the honeymoon period was over. Fallon’s the first Tonight Show host since Johnny Carson to not be living in his shadow, and consciously doing that could be the smartest decision Fallon’s made since getting the Roots to be his house band. He’s spent a lot of time finding his own identity and building his audience, and it seems to be one that people like once they actually give him a shot. Being one of the most personable people - and definitely the most enthusiastic - in late night television looks good on him.

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Scott wheezes: How about those Olympics?

Brandon: Man, I dunno. My experience with the Olympics this year has been vicarious at best, owing to several reasons. In general, I’m not that into sports, so there’s a general disconnect. And then there was all the terrible human rights things involving Russia and a bevy of people complaining about the state of their lodgings which really soured me on the whole experience.

My favourite Russian tradition has to be the part where they light their wishes on fire as the clock strikes twelve on New Years, letting the paper burn down before they toss it into a shot of vodka and drink their best wishes for the new year - before everyone takes a solid week off to drink and do nothing. My least favourite Russian tradition is the part where the people in charge tend to ignore the plight of the majority of their people. The Olympics compound this because… well hey, remember that time that Nazi Germany hosted the Olympics? Sure, it wasn’t war season or anything, but really, the fact that everyone kind of smiles and does sports for a few weeks and then sometimes goes back to “hey, maybe you should stop being terrible people” is so deeply strange to me. More wish drinking and less… whatever the hell. Please.

James: I didn’t watch more than a couple of seconds of the Olympics this year, and that was when I was at my parents’ house and they turned it on. I still didn’t watch or listen actively, but if I was in the room I might see that it was on TV. That was about it.

This pains me, to an extent, because I’ve always loved watching the Winter Olympics. Those who know me know that I’m someone who abhors hot weather and is perfectly comfortable at -30 Celsius, so it’s not really a surprise that I like watching winter sports. But this year, I just couldn’t get over the fact that the Olympics were occurring against the backdrop of an immoral, corrupt government with an atrocious human rights record. More or most specifically, the country has basically legislated LGBTQ people out of (open, public) existence, and tacitly encouraged a lot of violence against those people. As someone who has a lot of LGBTQ friends, I just couldn’t get over my own cognitive dissonance of watching events that are supposed to be about the nobility of the human spirit without ignoring the fact that they were also designed to celebrate the national identity of a country whose government I cannot in any way condone. I realized I couldn’t watch the Sochi Olympics without feeling comfortable, so I didn’t.

The only real awkward part of all this is that even though I’ve generally tried to not be too vocal about my political opinions about Sochi 2014, with the cultural pervasiveness of the Olympics, I’ve frequently found myself having to explain the gist of my stance, at which point the response is usually either, “Well, the Olympics aren’t Russia,” or, “But what about the athletes? It’s not their fault and they need support.” In the case of the former, like I’ve said; I just couldn’t get over my personal discomfort, especially with how visible President Vladimir Putin has made himself during the Olympics. And in the case of the latter, that’s kind of a bullshit argument, if I’m being honest. The athletes don’t know I exist. My not watching them thousands of miles away on a tape delay doesn’t impact them, mentally or performance-wise, at all. They were gonna do what they were gonna do, and all power to them, because they didn’t ask for any of this, and I don’t dislike them because I’m not watching the Olympics. But I’m not the Canadian equivalent of a Nielsen household; my television viewership counts for literally nothing, so it’s not even like my not watching affects the viewership stats and whatever public perception of “support” there is resulting from that. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. My decision was just for me, to let me look in the mirror or fall asleep without any excess guilt from feeling like I mentally betrayed my queer friends.

I will say, though, it’s been a little jarring seeing people who are normally so vocal about LGBTQ rights issues, and even the situation in Russia itself, gleefully talking about watching the Sochi Olympics and how great it makes Russia look, etcetera. It’s weird to think that they got over their dissonance that much more easily than I did, but ultimately, I can’t control that. All I know is that I made the decision that felt right for me.

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Devin R. Bruce (@Doctor_Teeth) asks: I believe James Bond is the closest thing non-superhero-comics fans have to the concept of retcons. Your thoughts?

Brandon: I would agree with you - but keep in mind, I’ve only watched… two and a half Bond movies at this point, Quantum of Solice [Ed. Note - Nooooooope!] and one of the Sean Connery (Goldthunder?) [Ed. Note: See previous] movies along with part of a Brosnan where the bad guy got super powers from being shot in the head? Or something.

I see the current batch of James Bond movies as Bond’s own Ultimate universe. The Star Trek franchise is doing this, although I guess they are technically just in another reality in a universe where all the original stories still happened. This new line is something recognizably Bond, but with a modern flair, and maybe not so much misogyny.

Now when will the movies get around to that one scene in You Only Live Twice where James Bond fucks a cow, that would be great.

James: I think it’s certainly the most applicable example in terms of the specifics of rewriting characters’ pasts mostly by omission and rolling timelines, but I’m not sure it’s the only one. Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan character is a prominently retconned & rebooted character - heck, the most recent time happened only a couple of weeks ago - and he’s very much been a character in the North American public awareness for a few decades. But Philip Marlowe’s been played by nine different actors, and so has Richard Stark/Donald Westlake’s Parker character, and that’s before you even get into culturally salient and constantly rebooting characters like Sherlock Holmes or Robin Hood.

These aren’t necessarily perfect examples, and Bond is maybe the most focused version, but I think they retain the same core of changing a character while keeping them recognizable (obviously, Roger Moore aside, because he was awful) but also basically ignoring the other iterations of him or her. The retconning isn’t always as explicit as it is in James Bond, and it’s often by omission, but I think the “multiple versions of the same thing that are different and accessible but still familiar” idea is actually very familiar in popular culture, especially with all the franchise relaunches that people seem to get so bent out of shape about.

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Devin continues: My mom loves the Marvel comics movies but she doesn’t want to see Guardians of the Galaxy. How would you convince her to love Groot?

Brandon: Hmm. There’s several tactics that you could take, but my suggestion would be to watch Iron Giant. When people were rolling their eyes at Vin Diesel playing Groot, I just remembered back to when that dude and Brad Bird made me cry watching that movie. But if that doesn’t work, I suggest making it a challenge. They made Thor and the rest of the Marvel characters seem wonderfully human and somewhat relatable in those movies - don’t you want to see if they can pull the same trick off with a space tree? I know I do. Hell, I bet I’ll end up crying all over again.

James: Honestly, I probably wouldn’t. Or, at least, not now. Trying to convince people to like nerdy/geeky stuff you/we like can backfire. Unwanted enthusiasm, particularly in a case like this where it very specifically has a motive behind it, risks annoying the target and accidentally turning their disinterest into an actual mild resentment. I started watching LOST years late because people were obnoxious about it. I’ve talked to people whose casual interest in things or creators like Joss Whedon turned to active dislike specifically because of overenthusiastic fans they knew. If you think your mom might like Guardians of the Galaxy, it might just be worth waiting until the movie is closer to coming out, when there’s more material and more trailers available, to see if an interest starts building or she seems more amenable.

And while I dislike disagreeing with Brandon (admittedly, I don’t dislike it much), I don’t think watching The Iron Giant would really make much of a difference unless your mom’s hangup with Guardians of the Galaxy is very specifically that Vin Diesel is in it. Because besides having one voice actor in common, the movies don’t look that similar - different formats, genres, tones, the majority of the casts… it could be like trying to get my mom to like Mo’ Better Blues just because she liked Whitney Houston in The Preacher’s Wife one time fifteen years ago.

The best way might just be to ignore Groot entirely and play it slow. Let the marketing sink in once it picks up. Casually mention that you’re psyched to see it, or that you liked it (if you do). Offer to see it with her as a mother-son thing and make a day of it. Anything but any kind of actual pressure. Play it like Chris Pratt: one day he was just a dude on a WB show who used to work at Bubba Gump’s. He kept his head down, kept on being awesome for like a solid decade, and now he’s gonna be a bonafide movie star.

You would be surprised how many problems can be solved using Chris Pratt.

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Danica LeBlanc (@DanicaHere) asks: How’s the new cat, Brandon? I hear he’s pretty cute. Also, where am I? It’s dark in here.

Brandon: Oh, you mean Max? He’s pretty great. He’s a little over two years old, and super playful - which means anything that dangles and is moved is fair for swiping. So far, that’s provided for a lot of fun. Jim - our original cat - has been taking things… well? She’s a bit upset, but is starting to warm up to him, despite moments like this.

As for the darkness, that would be the blindfold. You know that it’s mandatory in the consensual sex dungeon.

James: Danica, I thought I had made it very clear when you’d previously asked questions: I’m fine with you bringing your private life with Brandon into the Um, Actually columns, but only when it’s used to shame Brandon for forgetting to do something you told you he would, or a similar mistake. I’m also on the record only liking questions that exclude either Brandon or I from answering when they only exclude Brandon.

Just for all this, I’m going to have to say that the new cat is awful because cats are awful and if they were better they’d just be dogs. You brought this on yourself.

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Danica continues: Do you believe in mountains?

Brandon: I’ve seen them in comics so they can’t be real. Anything you read in a comic book is straight nonsense. Also, playing Dungeons and Dragons will turn you into a magicks practicing witch and you’ll end up burning in hell. Have you read this pamphlet about Jesus? What a dummy.

James: I don’t believe in nothin’ no more. I’m going to law school.

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That’s it for the one hundred and twenty-fifth instalment of Um, Actually. Check in every Monday and Thursday for a brand new column. If you have anything you’d like answered, hit up our contact page! If you submit anything via Twitter – to @blogaboutcomics, @Leask, or @soupytoasterson – remember to include the hashtag #UMACTUALLY so that we don’t lose it. Remember: you can ask us anything. Seriously, anything.