Welcome, dear readers, to our regular letter column; a series of missives from and to the internet, delivered by a series of tubes. We welcome your comments and questions. About anything! We’ll answer it, and at least one of us will take you seriously. Maybe.

It can be about comics! Or, like anything else. Brandon’s not the greatest at non-comic book things, but he tries hard, and James has opinions about all the things. So yeah! Someone is going to be able to say something about your nonsense.

Thank you, internet.

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Danica wants to rap with us: Can you rock a rhyme, rock a rhyme on time? It’s tricky.

James: It is! And to that effect, I cannot in fact rock a rhyme on time. Whenever I try to rap (or even sing really quickly, like in the verses to Ryan Adams’ “New York, New York”), my tongue ends up tripping over itself and it all becomes a jumble. Despite this, I still think Cody and I did a great version of “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” at karaoke a few months ago. I mean, I know for a fact we flubbed some lines, but that song is 90% drunkenly yelling into a microphone not particularly quickly, so I think we got it.

Brandon: I’m pretty good at the time part - years of paino and other various music lessons - but the rhyme part is hard, as evidenced by the numerous times I’ve tried to do it at home, and in public. Now, if we were talking puns, that would be another thing completely.

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Scott (@scottowilliams) finally shows his lowly face: Has a comic book death ever upset you?

James: This depends on whether by “upset” you mean “got me angry/offended” or “emotionally impacted me.” Because if it’s the former, then no, not really, besides the general norm of fridging female characters in North American superhero comics. But if it’s the latter, then yes, all the damn time. I bawled when Ultimate Peter Parker died and that’s just the one that’s coming easiest to mind. I’m a very easy person to make cry with stories or songs. Hell, a few months ago I had to drive my sister to the airport early on a Saturday morning and on the way home I listened to Bruce Springsteen’s album Nebraska. By the time “Reason to Believe” rolled around as I pulled into my parkade at home, I was ugly crying and tears were rolling down my cheeks.

Ladies.

Brandon: I’ve yet to get fully upset about comic book death, beyond what James is saying. Gert dying in Runaways was a pretty big hit for me. Poor Gert, you were too beautiful for this world. And for Chase. Otherwise, any death I’ve gotten upset about has to do more with the aforementioned fridging of female characters. While it certainly has lessened, it still hasn’t gone away, and it’s frustrating and hacky, like dog murder.

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Scott asks: Who was the best Spice Girl?

James: I was always partial to Sporty (Mel C) and Ginger (Geri), in particular because they had such distinctive voices that worked really well as the accent at the end of a line. In between them, it’s hard to pick, because on one hand the group went distinctly downhill when Geri left, implying she was the best, but at the same time, Sporty did a song with Bryan Adams and it was actually kinda great:

The backbone of the group was arguably either Scary (Mel B) or Baby (Emma), but when I think back to what I liked best about the group, it always comes down to Ginger or Sporty. And really, since part of the group’s fundamental strength was all the different personalities coming together, it seems weird to talk about their in-group production. I like looking at what they did afterward, and with that, it’s either “When You’re Gone” or “It’s Raining Men”:

And brother, it sure ain’t raining remembrance that “When You’re Gone” exists. Ginger by a hair.

Brandon: And if we’re talking about the Spice Girls as characters in Spice World, then I’m probably going with George Wendt.

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Scott asks us for medical advice: Is Xeljanz right for me?

James: I assume so. I literally cannot imagine a single thing going wrong if you take it. I’m pretty sure the only side effect is “people liking you more.”

Brandon: All I can think of is watching young-elderly folk taking jogs or holding hands on the beach while a dude intones softly about the mild case of death you’re going to get from the minor side effects. Hey guys, remember when Scott had AIDS? We’re the worst.

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Scott has a follow-up: Why can’t I sleep?

James: I dunno, is that one of the listed side effects of Xeljanz? Even if it is, that drug that absolutely isn’t paying me at all totally isn’t responsible. Probably just guilt from not getting me anything for my birthday.

Brandon: Clowns. The emptiness of your heart. The fact that Big Star will never have a reunion. Sharknado the movie. Actual sharknados. Wondering if boobs feel like sand. Wondering why James loves me more than he does you. Any one of those reasons, really.

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Scott gets tricky: Who is the best game show host ever?

James: If we were considering extracurriculars, it’d be Chuck Barris in a walk. Besides creating games like The Newlywed Game and The Dating Game, and even composing the theme music for the former, Barris also claimed to have been a CIA assassin, which is nutter butters and kind of amazing. But at the same time, he’s best known for hosting The Gong Show, which sucked so bad it still hurts.

With Barris eliminated, I think I have to give it to Alex Trebek (specifically, the mustachioed version). Besides being iconic, he’s also the right blend of personable and unreasonably smarmy about the right answers for a dude who has them on a card in front of him. But beyond all that, I simply love how he over-pronounces every word or name that’s either in a different language or even slightly ethnic-sounding. It’s the best.

Brandon: Trebek also hosted Wheel of Fortune. That shit is crazy to see, by the way. I still love me some Bob Barker, except for that time that he ate those dogs and cats live on TV to gain their power. That was a weird day. Or possibly a dream I had. I can’t tell anymore.

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Scott gets philosophical: What will Joe Quesada’s legacy be? How about Dan DiDio?

James: I think Quesada will be remembered as one of the men who helped reinvigorate Marvel comics and bring it back from the brink of collapse to success and prominence. He was by no means the only person involved, but he was instrumental not just in things like the Ultimate line, which was massively successful and brought a lot of excitement back to the company, but in bringing guys like Brian Michael Bendis to the company. In his various editorial roles, while I’ve disliked some things he did like “One More Day” (if not the actual result, which is a renewed Amazing Spider-Man), I generally think he’s been a savvy and smart force for good. A lot of Marvel’s current success is owed directly to Joe Quesada.

Sadly, I think Dan DiDio will be remembered more for his struggles, such as the controversies under his watch and the devolving of DC into a niche audience. While there have certainly been good books and initiatives to come out under his watch (and he’s even written some good ones, like the “Metal Men” feature in Wednesday Comics), his period at the company, particularly in the last few years, has been marred by public spats with creators (and their departure), accusations of insensitivity or sexism and less-than-helpful responses to valid concerns. DiDio seems like a friendly guy, but he doesn’t always exercise a lot of tact, and whereas Quesada will be remembered for embodying how editorial can positively work with books’ teams and create a company direction while empowering individual voices, I fear DiDio’s will be a warning on the negative effects of top-down editorial edicts and poor handling of them.

Brandon: Quesada will absolutely be known for being the second Editor-in-Chief of Marvel who didn’t get fired. All others since Stan lost their jobs through one screw up or another, whereas Quesada continually built and built and built. Dude is one of the smartest guys in the business, and he’s still up there, sitting atop the Marvel structure pretty tall, consulting on all the Marvel movies - another huge feather in his cap.

DiDio will be remembered for his work on TV’s ReBoot. Or at least that’s how I’ll choose to remember him.

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That’s it for the one hundred and twenty-fourth instalment of Um, Actually. Check in every Monday and Thursday for a brand new column. If you have anything you’d like answered, hit up our contact page! If you submit anything via Twitter – to @blogaboutcomics, @Leask, or @soupytoasterson – remember to include the hashtag #UMACTUALLY so that we don’t lose it. Remember: you can ask us anything. Seriously, anything.