Hey y’all! I was going to make a joke about how our weekends were until I realized it was a K.C. & the Sunshine Band-referencing joke from the second season of Friends, so instead I’m just gonna say that we read some comics! And they were good! And these were some of the best of them!

THAT SKINTONE CANNOT BE HEALTHY

Guys. Guys. Women. Batwoman #2 was so good. Maybe it’s beating a dead horse at this point, I dunno. Every person seems to love this series, and that is wonderful because the comic is wonderful, but I feel like not drawing attention to this comic today would be a dereliction of internet comics person duty.

It’s hard to make Batman suitably spooky at this point. Some people succeed, and when they do, it’s like a vision back into our disturbing childhoods - no, you were traumatized by the Grimace! - but at this point, it’s the exception rather than the rule because we simply know so much about him. He’s intimidating and awesome and I have the 21 different collectible Batmen to prove it, but I love seeing Kate Kane in action as Batwoman partially because while we’re learning about her, there’s still so much we don’t know, and the mystery around her makes it all the more frightening when she plows through a window or just wrecks a dude.

Batwoman is also the most richly gorgeous series out there, thanks to the team of J.H. Williams III and Dave Stewart. An early scene and two-page spread of Batwoman and Plebe (formerly the teen hero Flamebird, Kate’s cousin Bette Kane) in action uses no fewer than three completely different art styles to convey the action and each individual character, from the Frank Miller-esque touches to Plebe, the silver age stylings to the crooks that flash of Kirby, and the lush, watercoloured terror that is Batwoman herself. It could have easily fallen apart, but instead it all looks fluid and beautiful and I want more right fucking now. No other comic of the week deserves the Doppelpencil of the Night Award like this one does. (J)

NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO THE KENNEDYS

So I’m starting to have this problem. It usually happens when I’m experiencing tense, dramatic things like The Walking Dead or Breaking Bad or Dawson’s Creek. Invariably, I get to the point where I like the characters enough that I don’t want to see bad things happen to them. But then bad things keep happening to them. Now I know that’s the point of these shows, or these books, or whatever, but still, I always feel terrible watching bad things happen to good people. Or in some cases (I’m looking at you Breaking Bad) when a seemingly good person just keeps losing more and more chunks of their soul to something so dark.

Anyway, I know that the only reason these things exist, is to provide us with some form of entertainment - and let’s face it. If The Walking Dead were about how Rick and the others stroll uninhibited through the zombie apocalypse, we’d all lose interest pretty fast. But dammit, I just… I just want better for these fake people, you know?

Such is the case with this week’s Morning Glories. Just over a year old, I’m still getting to know all of the characters… but that doesn’t mean I don’t already care for them. And the things that keep happening to them. The horrifying, the puzzling, the heart-breaking things. Dead parents, dead ends, and harsh betrayals… it’s all pretty rough. Add to this the fact that Nick Spencer and Joe Eisma have created this weird little world where absolutely every can, does and will go wrong, and I’ve got myself a monthly appointment with anxiety. Can’t these kids just be left to their own devices? Can’t they just survive and be happy? Any time one of them seems to get a little closer to okay, something shitty happens. For instance, things go quite pear-shaped for Casey in this month’s gaunt, not only when she gets paired with the worst human being for some weird kind of Phys Ed thing, but when she’s finally given an opportunity to change the circumstances that surround her. It’s all pretty harrowing, and dammit… you just want better for her.

Anyway, this week I’m awarding Morning Glories our Man, Why You Even Gotta Do A Thing Award for just messing up my head like that. I hate you guys so much. (Please make so, so much more.) (B)

Three issues in, the new volume of Ultimate Comics Spider-Man is still thrilling me as the previous incarnation of the series did. Three issues in, we haven’t seen Miles Morales put on his Spider-Man outfit yet, but the crazy thing is that the series is absolutely better for it. If Miles got bitten by a spider and put on a costume right away, I would seriously question his sanity and suitability to be a hero. When a kid’s first reaction is to go out and bust skulls for justice, that is someone you seriously need to worry about. Even Ultimate Peter Parker took a whole seven issues before putting on the suit and being Spider-Man, so contrary to some complaints, this doesn’t feel like anything out of the normal to me.

It helps that Brian Michael Bendis and Sara Pichelli are doing such an amazing job of building and setting up Miles’ life. I would absolutely read an entire series of Miles and his friends and family, just a young adult/teen series about his life. Spider-who? Whatever, he’s awesome just as Miles.

When Miles finds out about his new abilities and freaks the hell out, they give an incredibly real reason for him to react the way he does. He’s a kid. He’s scared. Every kid talks about what they would do if they have powers, if they could be a superhero, but that’s when it’s an impossibility or it’s just plain not you. It changes all of a sudden when you’re the one who has these powers and people are telling you what to do and you’re just flat-out scared that your dad won’t love you the same way. It’s heartbreaking and I don’t think it could have been pulled off better.

Of course, Miles can’t just stand aside and do nothing. There’s a fire and he’s had these abilities for maybe a day, and he just jumps in to save someone and then goes right back in. He might not be Spider-Man yet, but I cheered for Miles when he acted like Spidey would. As in, out loud. I was inexplicably moved by seeing this kid who had no reason to jump into a fire other than he could, who is scared to tears by the possibility of what might happen if anybody figured out he was anything other than normal. And yet he jumps in, with no mask or anything, just because it’s the right thing to do, because he grew up in a world where there was another kid who gave an example.

Twelve years old and already a hero, even if it’s the last thing he wanted to be. What a kid, what a world. (J)

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