Heey buds. Hey pals. You know what time it is? It’s time. For the thing. That is. Drunk! Comic! Reeecaaaappppppsssszzzz@!!!

Okay look, my fingers are going numb so Immunna try and do this quick like. Like a Jaguar, which is the fastest animal. The rules are thus: I get drunk and read a comic and then recap it. Then, in the morning, when I come to, I’m not allowed to FIX anything, like words or shit. Except for tags and pictures, so that, you know, you can find the post and so that yo know what the comic looks like.

This week! A return to Chuck Austen’s X-Men run! Booooom

Uncanny X-Men #431: People had sex and it caused problems.

When last I read the X-Men, Polaris and Professor X and Annie (the nurse currently banging Havok, who almost married Polaris that one time) were walking through Polaris’ mind, trying to figure out why she started being such a crazy bitch. Also, Nightcrawler and some other folks were doing something strange and the X-Men were sucked into a hole? Or something. WHO CARES! It’s time to get to new stuff!

Lorna (in her brain) tells everyone that she found out she was Magneto’s daughter, and that when she went to Genosha, everyone worshiped her ebcause she was Magneto’s daughter, until the Sentinels came and started killing everyone with their lazer palms (robot masterbation is bad it will give you laser palms.).

Meanwhile, the X-Men that were sucked into a hole with Nightcrawler start talking about things. Apparently, Nightcrawler has snaped out of the trance thing he was in and his hand is melted to some other dude. Oh and he’s naked and “feeling a bit modest” - to which Jubilee replies, “Whoa. Why??!” Which means, apparently, Nightcrawler carries a big hammer (which is his penis). Shortly after, Azazel shows up and is all, “I shoulda known you X-Mens would follow Kurt when I summoned him!” Anyway, Angel uses a sword to cut Kurt’s hand free of this other dude, and then offers to bleed on him a bit to heal him, because that’s what Angel’s blood does now. When he tries this, it just ends up burning Nightcrawler, which is bad. Oh, and also Iceman is just a head right now. This will be important later? I think.

Also meanwhile in Canada, Sammy the Squid-boy (who is actually a fish boy) is being beaten up. He tells his beaters that he has had sex with their mom, and then beats them up, because he was friends with the Juggernaut for a while. As this happens, Northstar and Juggernaut are flying to see Sammy in a plane. Northstar asks if Juggernaut is doing anything “untoward” with the boy, to which Juggers replies, “Come on, Northstar, I like girls. Present company excluded.” Northstar asks if he was just called a gidl and Juggers replies, “Well, you like boys, don’t you?”

Northstar replies that he likes men and then the two squabble. Juggers asks him why can’t he just like girls. “Seems like it’d be a lot easier in the long run.” Then the Juggernaut pouts about being attractive, and how Northstar doesn’t find him attractive or something.

Back in Polaris’ mind, we find out she was acting like a crazy bitch because she watched a ton of people get straight up murdered, which… okay, that’s messed up. She says she’ll be okay now, and Annie starts crying. Oh dear.

And finally, elsewhere, in the hole? The X-Men are figthing ith Azazel’s people, and then things start flying out of a dimension hole, like Nightcrawller’s old dog and skateboard, and then Mystique pops out. Ooooh snappp! What will happen next? THINGS, probably.

Whelp, that’s it for this week. Tune in NEXT time (whenever that will be) for more! Until then!

Komitchiwham bitches!