Heyo, pancakes! You turds! You people! It is time! For once more! For another time! For the Drunk! Comic! Reeeecaaaaaaapppssss!

As always, there are rules to these shenanigans, and the rules, they look like this: I get drunk. I read some comics, or like, a comic and then in the morning, when I stir from my doldrums (FUCK YEAH, TAKE THAT THESAURUSES. YOU ARE THE WORST DINOSAURS) I’m not allowed to change any of the words I wrote. I just get to add an image or tag it, if I forgot those things, which I always, always, always do, always.

So hey! Now? It is time for the book reading, or whatever.

Uncanny X-Men #430: Satan Super Squad GooooooOo!

Man, now all I can think of is Satan Super Squad Goo. Which is not what I intended. Stupid intensions.

So hey, this book opens with Sammy the fish boy being smacked in the face by his dad. He calls him a brat, and then when his mom tries to save him, he tosses his son out and starts smacking his mom for trying to protect him. He yells at her and asks if it’s really his son, which is something. I mean, just a few issues ago, the Canadian government sent Alpha Flight to get the kid back into Canada, but the dude seems to straight up not like his son. What a doucher.

While this is happening, the Professor is continuing his terrible idea of trying to fix Lorna in front of a woman she just tried to killed named Annie. Oh, and Annie is also banging Havok, who was almost married to Lorna. Man, the Professor is the worst. Anyway, Lorna suggests that Annie go into her brain with the professor. She claims that it would be good for her to learn about mutants, because she apparently super hates them. And yet, she’s banging one. Anyway, this is when Xorn shows up, and asks Annie why she’s a racist. He also says that it would explain her son’s distant behavior toward him, what with racism usually being handed down from parent to child. Annie replies with, “True, I have had some racist beliefs, Xorn. But I’ve tried hard not to impart them to my son. Tried very hard.” And again, she is in love with, and probably having sex with Havoc. Who is a mutant.

Anyway, the Professor asks Xorn if he’s there to help heal Lorna, and Xorn says he’s not, because he’s choosy about the people that he heals (the dick). He’s there to ask Annie if she’ll let her son enroll in his special class for troubled kids. She says that it’ll be up to him, and Xorn is all… “SHOULD IT BE?” And the Professor, suddenly worried about Annie’s feelings, defends her a little and tells Xorn that Carter isn’t a troubled child, and that there’s more important things to deal with at the moment. Xorn (still being a dick) says that he understands “A mutant with a disregard for human life needs modification while a human with a disregard for mutant life assists you.”

He leaves, but Annie is pissed and tells Lorna that she willgo through her head to see why she’s become a killer - but after, Lorna will have to go through Annie’s head to find out how a person can go through hell and still come to the school to save lives. Boom.

Back in Vancouver, Carter appears to Sammy in the sky, and they have a chat about things. Carter doesn’t know how he’s doing it - he’s just using his powers for transportationating or whatever. Carter is projecting from the mission that Havok is on (“He’s almost my dad now, so it’s okay”) which is bad, because he could probably die and his mom will maybe kill him for stowing away (if he survives). Sammy tries pointing this out, but then he is punched in the face and the boys lose their connection to each otehr. This is when some dudes find Carter at the site, and hand him over to Alex, right as the team is going to confront a big evil. Oh jeepers creepers.

Back at the school, Annie and the Prof try to go into Lorna’s mind. And it works - but then they accidently end up walking in on a memory of Havok doinking Lorna. Ummm… awkward! But the Prof soon takes over, and they are shown Lorna’s time in Genosha with Magneto… and how she tried to prove that Mags was really her daddy after all, what with the magnet powers she has and shit.

Back at the place where Alex was with the X team, he’s given Carter - but bad things are afoot. There’s some kind of giant voltron devil mass forming, and Kurt is still running towards the ground zero. Things get crazy then. Bobby is hit with an arrow, that explodes, leaving only his head. Paige is smacked in the head. And then everyone gets sucked down into a pit, which is bad. And then, the book ends!

Next time! More? Probably! I never know what I’ll do each week, mostly because it involves me stumbling to find a comic whilst drunk. So there’s that. Until next time…

Komitchiwham bitches!!!!