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Um, Actually // Dragon Aging

Welcome, dear readers, to our newly regular letter column; a series of missives from and to the internet, delivered by a series of tubes. We welcome your comments and questions about anything. We’ll answer you, and at least one of us will take things seriously. Maybe.

Thank you, internet.

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Someone (the tweet was lost to the annals of time) asked about who the Wonder Woman director should be, and if it should be a woman.

James: This question came in just hours before Michelle MacLaren was announced as the director of Wonder Woman and, had Life Circumstances(tm) not gotten in the way of posting this last week, it would have been only slightly out of date. But we’re answering it this week, even though it’s late and significantly less topical, because I want to say something:

Yes, of course it should be a woman.

This isn’t because only a woman is capable of it, of course. And, in an interview, Punisher: War Zone director Lexi Alexander even remarked that (and I’m paraphrasing here, so if I messed up, don’t blame her) if a woman was chosen to direct the movie, it would be really risky and potentially bad, because if the movie sucked - or, more importantly, underperformed in the box office - then not only would some jags say that audiences don’t want to see a superhero/action movie with a female lead (objectively not true; look at one Ms. Jennifer Lawrence, sexists, and despair), but it would be used to argue that women aren’t suited for directing those movies. And I see all that, and I just don’t care, because it’s a goddamn embarrassment that there are so few well known women directors. It’s exceptionally important that our cultural canon of filmmakers become less white and less male, and Wonder Woman seems like a great place to affect some change.

Of course, there will be some people who decry MacLaren‘s hiring (or any woman or person of colour’s hiring) as tokenism, and, well, they can go screw. Progressivism for progressivism’s sake? Who cares? If this is the excuse that gets an exceptionally talented woman directing a tentpole movie, then I don’t give a shit if it’s done because of the optics of the situation. It’s important that these changes happen, or else we’ll keep getting Ridley Scott talking about how Exodus wouldn’t have gotten made if he’d cast “Mohammed so-and-s0.” Less of that, more Michelle MacLaren.

Because it’s progressive, sure, but also because it’s progressive and she’s awesome. While she doesn’t have a lot of film credits on her resume, she’s directed episodes of technically challenging and gorgeous shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones and Walking Dead. She’s incredibly skilled, and she’s about as comic book movie-demographic-friendly as you’re going to get. She knows how to deal with large scale - just look at Game of Thrones - and she knows how to work with smaller-scale, intense emotion - see Breaking Bad. Frankly, it’s about time she got to do a big movie that a lot of people are going to see.

Brandon: Like James says, even if it is tokenism (and it’s not) what better place than Wonder Woman to make a stand? Look. Any female anyone attached to any role in fiction or the real world is accused of being hired for “reasons”. And honestly, fuck that. Do you realize how dumb you sound? How petty you’re being? Michele MacLaren is an amazing choice, based off of ability. Why are we even talking about this? Because currently, a female director on a movie like this is an anomaly. And it shouldn’t be.

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Laury (@OTOC_Laury) asks: Who cares about your [Dragon Age: Inquisition character, James], I want to know if Sera and Cole are going to hook up? Or Sera and Varric?

James: Man, I actually cannot stand Sera in Dragon Age: Inquisition. I think I’ve taken her on as part of my party exactly once, and for maybe half an hour, tops, before I switched to someone else. And that’s a shame, because as I’m playing another female elven rogue, I was actually really looking forward to having her in my party, talking to her in Haven and maybe even flirting with her if things felt right. Oh man, though, does it not feel right. In that talking with her is never not frustrating. She speaks in deliberately obtuse riddles that require extra dialogue choices just to try to decipher, she’s overly evasive in conversation and she has a ton of verbal tics that just grate on me. To top it all off, whenever I’ve tried to talk and bond with her over elven issues, she’s obnoxiously uninterested and downright dismissive. This is only made worse by the fact that I’m playing into the indigenous peoples analogue with my elf character, who is outwardly proud of her heritage and wary of those who dismiss it. Sera being dismissive of it makes a certain level of sense to her character, but it’s just the cherry of frustration on top of the sundae that is everything else about her being awful.

Give me Iron Bull and the fact that the flirting dialogue with him is just straight up asking about Qunari sex, any day.

Brandon: I can state with 100% certainty: no one cares about James’ Dragon Age character. No one at all.

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Laury continues with Dragon Age questions, just to further alienate readers (and Brandon): In DA:I, did you choose to go along with the “Chosen One” idea [the player character is thought to potentially be a long-awaited messiah for the main religion in the world of the game], or keep pushing that title off?

James: Eh, a bit of both. As I mentioned above, I’m playing my character as very vocal and proud about her elven heritage. She calls out prejudice, is interested in making positive change for her race and, yes, worships her own gods. That said, I’m not pushing against the idea of being the “Chosen One”/”Herald of Andraste” idea, completely. I’m not embracing, either. My character tends to be pretty pragmatic about the whole thing; she holds to her own people’s religion and doesn’t openly declare herself to be the Herald, but as much as I think the idea of turning her back on her religion would go against what she stands for (in my increasingly elaborate headcanon), she stops shy of rejecting the whole thing either. After all, she needs to not only attract people to her cause, but she wants the faithful who have made a pilgrimage to her to feel safe. Plus, she needs to work (and flirt outrageously) with people like Cassandra, and she doesn’t want to alienate them. So she expresses a level of doubt that could also be read by other characters as humility, while she figures out what’s actually going on.

In real life, I’m pretty agnostic, but the fun of these games is in the role-playing. I like the idea of my character being an activist for her people and rejecting the colonial religion, but she’s not above using it, either.

Brandon: Hypothetically speaking, if I could (I probably couldn’t) I would dress my character up as Jesus, and run with the idea that he thinks he’s the chosen one, but is really a sack of potatoes given sentience by wizards or something. I don’t understand video games.

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Jay (@jayrunham) asks: Someone was nice to me on Reddit. Why?

James: Because they, being a member of one of the internet’s many cesspools, see something in you that they can identify with.

You’re a toilet, is what I’m saying.

Brandon: James Leask: an enemy to friends from the moment he knows he can get away with it.

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Jay continues: Toronto Raptors players need new nicknames; who would you give one to and what would it be?

James: Clearly, the player in most need of a nickname is the underrated big man Patrick Patterson. Man, I love that dude. I’d call him Big Tuna, because he’s big and I imagine that he needs a lot of protein.

Brandon: I don’t know who any of the Raptors are, but one of them need to be called Basketball Jones.

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Scott (@scottowilliams) asks: What did you think of Survivor Series?

James: I actually quite enjoyed it! There were a few misses (AJ getting Daniel-Bryan-at-WrestleMania-XXVIIIed, Slater Gator not winning and Adam Rose not re-becoming Leo Kruger yet), but there were three matches I really, really enjoyed:

  • The tag team fatal four-way: I mean, listen. I’m not a fan of the Dust Brothers having their entire storyline stagnating while being asked to wrestle the Usos for the millionth time. That is, I’m not a fan of it unless they drop the belts to Damien BY GOD Mizdow, the shocking character find of the year. I’m a big fan of the way his storyline with the Miz is developing, where he’s actually a better Miz than the Miz, and more beloved. Mizdow is legitimately incredible at shadow-wrestling and mimicking the Miz’s actions, making him almost impossible not to watch. I love that WWE creative is playing against the fans’ expectations/demands by keeping him out of matches even when he’s a member of the tag team, and the way he slyly tagged himself in to get the win. More than that, I adore how the Miz pretends to not be bothered by his stunt double being more popular and successful than him, but it comes out in petty ways like holding both tag belts and not even letting Mizdow hold the one that’s rightfully his. The fact that Mizdow now comes out with two replica belts? AMAZING. It’s one of the most engaging storylines in the company right now.
  • The Divas (ugh) traditional Survivor Series match: the actual storytelling going on in the Divas division might be garbage - I legitimately couldn’t remember whether some of the people were supposed to be face, which were heel and which were just on a side because they needed to fill out the match roster - but I’ll never poopoo 8 women getting to wrestle a match that doesn’t have bullshit spot endings like the one where the “faces” locked arms and slowly turned in a circle as a heel Diva waited to pretend that the resulting carousel clothesline wasn’t awful. Compared to matches like that, where you can feel the dignity draining out of these wrestlers, this was a legit match, where they fought, bumped (well, except Layla) and actually has a real match. More of this, less “frenemies” bullshit.
  • Dat main event, tho. Again, there are some quibbles here (Mark Henry getting eliminated like 10 seconds in), but there was a lot to love. Rusev is still an absolute beast who came off really good; he identified the most dangerous member of Team Cena (Dolph Ziggler), manhandled him and took a GIANT bump in the process. Even though he got counted out, he still looked incredible doing it. If they can stop pretending the hard-working immigrant who’s proud of his country and doesn’t lose is a bad guy, they’ll finally get him right. I loved Cena not even making it to the end. BUT DAT END, THO. If you’d asked me who was going to end up being the star of the night was going to be, I would not have guessed Dolph Ziggler, a guy who’s been stuck in a rut since he turned face. But he looked incredible in the match. When John Cena is asked to Overcome the Odds(tm), it looks boring and predictable. But Dolph Ziggler? He sells everybody’s offense. He runs around the ring like a madman. He looks like he’s actually overcoming something, and against his evil twin, Seth Rollins, the end was basically just a highlight reel. I dug HHH finally looking like the desperate bad guy, knocking out refs and demolishing Ziggler, only to have the appearance of Sting, the one WCW guy who was never going to come to WWE, ruin the whole thing. It was exciting and fun and just good wrestling.

That said, there was no reason for the ref to stop counting Rollins’ pin when Sting showed up other than “the story demands it,” and I really didn’t like watching the crowd humiliate the distraught loving couple in the ring afterward. But that’s just general bad WWE definitions, where “reasonable people who get emotional and care about each other” are the bad guys and “jerk who disrespects his bosses while feeding a bunch of guys who want to be his friends to the woodchipper with no potential consequences for himself” is the ultimate good guy.

Brandon: I have similar thoughts having (a) not watched the thing and (2) read Brandon Stroud’s online recaps because I have no tv and the whole time comma money comma effort ratio is all askew. That said, I would watch the HELL out of that final match, and I’m loving the Mizdow thing right now.

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Scott continues: Why did it take so long for Batman ’66 to get a home release and how did it ultimately happen?

James: Read this. tl;dr version: the rights/ownership situation was a complicated standoff, and it took an unhealthily obsessed fan to sort through it all and get the release to happen.

This might actually be the one instance of an obsessive fan being a force for good.

Brandon: There’s always an exception to the rule, James.

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Scott wraps up: Who would you like to see play Carol Danvers? Who should direct?

James: There have been a few people mentioned; Katee Sackhoff is the perennial person fans ask for, and now there are rumours that Emily Blunt is in the running (which was really funny when, in an interview, she was asked about it and talked about how her brother explained fancasting to her and the interviewer explained who Captain Marvel is, because Blunt didn’t know). And I’d be fine with either. Really, fan predictions and reactions have been so consistently wrong in recent superhero movie history that any guess I made or preference I stated would end up being wrong and probably not as good as whoever they’d cast eventually anyway. I mean, I am probably the only person who thinks Judy Greer should be in everything and would be a great Carol.

That said:

Natalie.

Dormer.

Y’all.

Brandon: I would probably run with somebody who has great comedic chops like Judy Greer. I know Katee Sackhoff is a favourite, because she’d fit the bill for all the air force mannerisms and whatnot with the whole “nerds cast characters from nerd things in other nerd things” articles that go around. I’m actually surprised no one has suggested Nathan Fillion yet, the man who is cast in all roles always. That said, I think he’d make a fantastic Carol.

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That’s it for the 155th instalment of Um, Actually. Check in every Tuesday for a brand new column. If you have anything you’d like answered, hit up our contact page! If you submit anything via Twitter – to @blogaboutcomics, @Leask, or @soupytoasterson – remember to include the hashtag #UMACTUALLY so that we don’t lose it. Remember: you can ask us anything. Seriously, anything.

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