Welcome, dear readers, to our regular letter column; a series of missives from and to the internet, delivered by a series of tubes. We welcome your comments and questions. About anything! We’ll answer it, and at least one of us will take you seriously. Maybe.

Your questions can be about comics. After all, it would be kind of silly to have a comic website and not even give people the option to talk about comics. “Why yes, we’re Comics! The Blog, no comics please. Only talk about bees.” Actually, come to think of it, that’s a pretty good suggestion. I will now open the floor for questions about bees. I mean, you can also ask about honey, hunny, wasps, that one creepy picture going around the internet last week of a statue of a dude’s face with a wasp’s nest growing out of it, whether or not people with bee allergies are just extra big babies who need to learn how to keep down their own swelling, or the issue of urban beekeeping. The possibilities are as endless as the varieties of bees in the world! Or, just, you know, ask about TV like Scott always does.

You’re welcome, internet.

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Sarah (@sjleask) asks: What was your favourite PSA as a child?

James: Now, as Sarah would add in a follow-up, there are many great suggestions:

• Astar, the War Amps robot who can put his arm back on, but wants to remind you that you can’t, even if a futuristic dystopia of ever-present danger is slightly less applicable to the average War Amp kid than a farm thresher. Like, seriously dudes, just tell those kids not to play around moving farm equipment. It’s not rocket science. We do not need a commercial literally about rocket science.
• Gert and Bert, the neon-wearing, hoverboard-riding rabbits who (a) epitomize everything about the 90s and (2) want to talk to you very nebulously about safety when mostly you are thinking, “flying rabbits!”
• House Hippos, easily the most adorable PSA ever, which gains points for being actually really smart and having a meta-lesson about not believing what you see on TV, but which loses literally all of them and then some for mostly making children really, really want a miniature hippopotamus that lives in their house, eats their crumbs and is their best friend.
• This PSA about acne, which I’m pretty sure didn’t teach anyone about acne but did result in every Canadian child born from about 1982 to 1989 reciting the weirdly quotable line about people thinking you eat too many chocolate bars or don’t wash your face.

That said, there are clearly two front-runners. The first is Body Break, a series of PSAs and supported material by two irrationally charming, unquestionably square adults named Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod, who have dedicated their lives to making sure children exercise. And yes, basically all of those ads were amazing, and Hal & Joanne are just part of the Canadian vernacular now, but where I get held up is that Body Break is SO MUCH MORE than PSAs. It’s a way of life. Speaking engagements. TV reality competition show appearances. Orthotic devices. At this point, Body Break is basically an industry unto itself, having long ago transcended such simple categories as PSAs. Go with God, you wonderful, probable narcs.

That leaves us with exactly one option for the best PSA of my childhood. And how good was it? It’s so good that I still sing its song to this very day. I am, of course, talking about the Concerned Children’s Advertisers commercial, “Don’t Put it in Your Mouth,” where terrifying puppets tell children not to eat poison:

This commercial is terrifying. The puppets are dead-eyed, soul-stealing monstrosities. The entire message is “Live in fear that anything you come across could have been poisoned by a maniac, and you need to get verification from your parents/family/trusted “uncle” before you eat anything. And even then, the thing that might be “okay to eat / like a muffin or a beet” is anthropomorphized to the point that the message is your options are poison or become a murderer.

Children’s TV in Canada was dark, you guys. That said, it was also still very catchy. Check out the full two-minute version that will haunt you forever.

Brandon: That is definitely my favourite, followed by “Drugs, Drugs, Drugs”

There’s also the one where puppet mice almost get murdered by a mousetrap that is pretty tops as well. I actually think that might have been the last episode of Book Mice though, where they all died, gasping for life with broken necks.

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Sarah continues: Which zoo animal is the best? If you could be any zoo animal, which would you be?

James: The giraffe. I mean, come on. Look at those things. THEY ARE LIKE YOU TOOK A REGULAR ANIMAL AND STRETCHED IT OUT. That might actually be the most adorable thing. Second place: koalas, which are super boring but also super cute. Honourable mention: anything in the nocturnal pavilion.

Brandon: Fun fact: I am already a giraffe. Otherwise, I’m a fan of elephants. Sometimes they paint things. Sometimes they are just slow and sleepy. I wish to ride them.

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Jay (@jayrunham) asks: What was the most interesting (to me) news to come out of C2E2? What was the most interesting (to you guys) news to come out of C2E2?

James: To answer the first question: I don’t know, something about the Ninja Turtles? You’re like, weird for them. Either that or the Justice League movie announcement. As for myself, the most interesting news for me was clearly the announcement of a Star-Lord solo series from Marvel written by good friend of the show Sam Humphries, fresh off the end of Avengers AI this coming Wednesday, and drawn by Paco Medina. I’m a big fan of Shump’s work, I’m more interested in the character of Peter Quill/Star-Lord than I ever have been before thanks to the great Guardians of the Galaxy comic and the upcoming movie starring future-James’-best-friend-sorry-Brandon Chris Pratt, and I really like Medina‘s artwork. Plus, Kitty Pryde is going to be in it. This is very good news for me.

Brandon: The Shumph news was pretty tops for me, and will probably end up being for Jay as well. That book is going to be solid awesome. Who wants to see Sam unleashed in space? The dude has a pretty limitless imagination, and I have a gut feeling Jay is going to really like that book. Otherwise… there wasn’t really much announced at this con. I mean, I’m pretty jazzed for Marvel’s “100th Anniversary” books that take place 25 years in the future… but that could just be the fact that James Stokoe is going to write and draw an Avengers book.

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Jay continues: Why was Joan Rivers at the Calgary Expo?

James: From what I can tell, she was literally just in town to do some shows at the Deerfoot Inn and decided to stop by. I don’t know if it was a publicity thing or genuine interest, but either way, people seemed to like it and that is pretty great.

Brandon: She actually stopped by the Wizard’s booth. She was looking for Walking Dead things for her grandson.

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Jay wraps up: What’s wrong with KD (Kraft Dinner and/or Kevin Durant)?

James: With Kraft Dinner (or Kraft Macaroni & Cheese), what’s wrong with it is basically just the standard complaints that it’s unhealthy, overly processed and an unnatural colour. Personally, I don’t really eat it a lot (because it’s easy to make better macaroni and cheese in not much more time, using things I have in my kitchen anyway), but I don’t begrudge people eating it. I enjoy junk food, so it would be weird of me to criticize people for liking junk food.

As for Kevin Durant, well, that’s a whole other issue. For people not in the know, Kevin Durant is a basketball player on the Oklahoma City Thunder, who are currently playing the Memphis Grizzlies in the first round of the 2014 NBA playoffs, and he’s having a rough go of it. Saturday was maybe the worst playoff performance of his entire career, where he shot under 25% from the field, under 15% from beyond the three-point line and even missed a couple of shots from the free throw line, for a measly 15 points. It was shocking to see that performance from a guy whose lifetime playoff points-per-game average is approaching 30. Even in games where he had 30 points or more, like Thursday’s Game 3, he still went 0-8 from the three-point line.

Part of this you can blame on a combination of the physical defense that Memphis is playing against him, as well as the fact that the officiating has been falling against him more than it’s been with him. In short, it’s hard for him to play physically because he’ll be dinged with a (usually undeserved) offensive foul or simply fail to draw one from the Grizzlies, who are playing their asses off and very smartly. But a lot of his scoring problems just seems like his touch is just slightly off. Durant is known for having one of the best work ethics in the game. He’s worked for years on not only recognizing the best places and situations in which he should be taking shots, but also on practicing bizarrely specific set plays and situations so that if he finds himself in a weird place, with a bad angle and some good coverage, he’s practiced that shot anyway and can drill it. It’s one of the reasons I like him so much. But in this series, that ability is just off ever so slightly. Off by maybe 1cm at a time; in Game 3, he had a shocking amount of in-and-out shots, or put-backs off rebounds that somehow can’t find their way to the net. It’s frustrating to see, because he’s clearly so close to playing like he wants to, and it’s clearly frustrating to him too, which is making matters worse. It’s like his entire game is 1cm off and he can’t quite recalibrate due to the Grizzlies’ pressure. And if he doesn’t, even if the Thunder make it out of the first round, I can’t see them going farther than the second round, especially if Russell Westbrook can’t solve his own problems.

It is a very anxiety-inducing series.

Brandon: There’s nothing wrong with KD. It is probably my favourite Drunk Meal. As for Kevin Durrant, I’m going to go with hip displacia, having not heard of the man before now, and having not read James’ response as to colour my opinions.

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Laury (@OTOC_Laury) asks: What is the con-plague really made of and how might one combat it?

James: What’s interesting is that nobody really knows. It basically depends on the season, the makeup of the audience at dumb luck. One physician (and con-goer) describes the whole thing fairly simply:

“Most of it’s mild, most is viral, and most can be cured with hand-washing. One of the attributes of the con is that you’re among a lot of people. The con crud happens for the same reason people tend to get colds in the winter—It’s more people in a tighter area with decreased ventilation.”

All you can do, really (other than get swine flu like I did at PAX 09), is just limit your actual physical contact with people. Use hand sanitizer. Make frequent trips, if you can, to a washroom to wash your hands. Get your flu shot. Take some supplements if you want. Avoid touching your mouth or face. I work in healthcare and this is basically our standard procedure, which gets amped up if there’s an outbreak. Basically, all you can do is observe the best hygiene practices you can, which is hard in an environment that is basically like one giant sneeze.

Brandon: You’re talking about The Blicket? It’s a thing. You will die from it if you dont do what I do at every convention, and attempt to put all the fingers in your mouth. ALL OF THEM. Also, I have not been to a con for a while. For reasons.

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Scott (@scottowilliams) asks: Will you watch THE LEFTOVERS? Has there ever been a worse title?

James: Oh, there have definitely been worse titles. The Leftovers is mostly a bad title just because it’s wordplay so cute it becomes painfully vague. It’s twee. It theoretically describes the show, but in a way that’s not readily apparent. It’s bad, but it doesn’t drive away people like ABC tends to do with its sitcom names. Cougar Town? I still have to explain to people “that’s not what the show’s about;” it’s a title so bad the creators actually spent years mulling over whether to rename it. Trophy Wife? It’s a stellar show with a title so bad that my mom watched a couple of episodes, liked them and the title still remained the most salient detail in her mind to such a degree that she actually forgot she liked the show. That’s a title so bad it actually removes enjoyment. Those two titles are so bad they’re actually offensive to a lot of women. And even when ABC shows aren’t offensively named, they often have vague, nondescript ones like Happy Endings, which is a title so nondescript it’s actually worthless. At least The Leftovers‘ name kind of describes what the show’s about.

That said, I’ll check it out. I’m always hit or miss with Damon Lindelof’s stuff, but the show’s got an interesting premise (likely without the cloying evangelism of the Left Behind series) and some cast members I like. Plus, I subscribe to HBO already, and they often only have 1 or 2 shows I’m interested in that are airing at once. To justify my subscription, I almost have to try out these new shows, and the fact that there’s only 1 at a time makes it pretty easy.

Brandon: So I definitely ended up watching the first low-budget Left Behind movie during youth group once. (That’s the Central Alberta upbringing, is what that is.) It was a thing. As for The Leftovers, I bet it’s worth a check. I’m rarely, if ever disappointed in the quality of HBO’s shows, even if they aren’t for me.

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That’s it for the one hundred and thirty-ninth instalment of Um, Actually. Check in every Monday and Thursday for a brand new column. If you have anything you’d like answered, hit up our contact page! If you submit anything via Twitter – to @blogaboutcomics, @Leask, or @soupytoasterson – remember to include the hashtag #UMACTUALLY so that we don’t lose it. Remember: you can ask us anything. Seriously, anything.