Welcome, dear readers, to our regular letter column; a series of missives from and to the internet, delivered by a series of tubes. We welcome your comments and questions. About anything! We’ll answer it, and at least one of us will take you seriously. Maybe.

Your questions can be about comics. But they don’t have to be! You can ask us about anything! Food (we’re fans)! What TV shows we’re watching! What we thought of the How I Met Your Mother finale! What our current early spring jam is! All that stuff is there. You could ask about comics, because we’re a comics site and we will answer those questions, but we’ll answer questions about anything. Maybe you want to kill the president. We could perhaps help you there. I mean, we won’t, because that’s wrong, but go ahead and ask for advice on it. We won’t send your IP address along to the FBI at all. You can trust us! We’re Canadian.

You’re welcome, internet.

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Joy (@joydreamz) asks: What episode of Hannibal are you on? How much do you love it?

James: I’m on Episode Nine of Season One, “Trou Normande,” aka the one many people (including) you warned me about. And yes, to answer everybody’s previous question, that opening scene is exactly and beautiful and horrifying as people said it was. I won’t spoil the image for those who haven’t watched it yet, but it’s really stunning and stomach-churning, and the fact that it can do both is one reason I love Hannibal so much.

It’s funny; it’s normally the type of show I hate. Several years ago, I worked at a treatment program for sex offenders, and my experiences there basically eliminated any ability I had to enjoy most crime procedurals. Whether it’s the CSIs, Law & Order: SVU or Criminal Minds, a lot of those shows traffic in a lot of glib sensationalism. For me, it’s like being slapped in the face with suffering and then someone makes a witty remark about not getting a-head in life. The result is a really emotionally shallow kind of whiplash; nothing has any effect. There’s no cost to anything because the next week, everybody’s fine except for all the people who got raped or murdered. Hannibal, on the other hand, is largely about the cost of death. All those beautiful, horrifying images (so much so that I actually had murder nightmares after watching the second episode), with their dreamlike quality, reinforce the idea that these deaths linger, that they have a cost. What makes Will Graham great at profiling is also what

Brandon: I’m on episode zero. It’s not that I’m not interested, it’s that I’m not one for gore - although the fact that Brian Fuller is attached in any capacity is really pushing me hard towards it.

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Jay continues: What’s a fantastic movie casting rumour you would like to start?

James: Did you hear that Alan Alda, Terry Crews, Paul Rudd, Kristen Bell and Chris Pratt are all doing a movie that’s half Expendables, half The Trip, where they all go on a road trip with me? I’m shocked it’s happening, but this is a pretty great casting rumour I heard!

Brandon: Terry Crews is Luke Cage. That’s it. That’s all. Thank you.

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Brittanie (@britl) asks: What is The Chive and how does one Keep Calm and Chive On?

James: Answering the first question, I honestly don’t know. I think it’s a social media website, but like how J-Date is a dating site for Jewish people and Juggalove is a dating site for people who really love the Insane Clown Posse and poverty, The Chive is only for people who are douchebags. This is basically all I have learned from seeing people with Chive hashtags or references in their Twitter bios, and I’m pretty sure it’s accurate. As for the second question, I think the answer is just “be the most obnoxious person imaginable.”

Come at me, Chivers!

Brandon: Is this a college douchebag thing? I feel like it is.

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Brittles continues: Are there any other superheroes you’d like to see dance-off with a mirror baby of themselves? [Ed. Note: Britani is referring to an Evian commercial that’s tied into The Amazing Spider-Man 2]

James: I know this is a cop out, but literally every other superhero ever. I’m a big fan of Skottie Young’s X-Babies/Avengers Babies stuff at Marvel, and it’s hard not to imagine any hero as an adorably terrifying, dancing baby version of themselves and not smile (while running away screaming). However, if I had to pick one, I might go with Benjamin J. Grimm, the Ever-Lovin’ Blue-Eyed Thing. He’s so big and grouchy! Imagine him tiny and grouchy but also dancing! Isn’t that just the greatest mental image?

Hint: it might be.

Brandon: Doctor Doom, if only so that my small handful of customers who are super into Surious Doom can lose their god damn shit again. It’s hilarious, every time it happens.

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Brittnish wraps up: What is your favourite part of The Last Unicorn? What makes it so great? Do you prefer the book, film or comic?

James: I haven’t seen it or read either version. Unicorns are pretty dumb.

Brandon: And I’ve never read the book, so of the three, the comic, definitely. This could also be because I didn’t watch that movie until I was…. 25? So yeah.

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Scott (@scottowilliams) asks: MLB Opening Day happened! How was that?

James: It was pretty great! Basically, since my work was pressuring me to use all my paid time off for once (something I have never done and probably never will), I ended up taking the entire day off to sit and watch baseball with my MONEYBALLA$ co-host, Cody. Out of 13 games on Opening Day, we watched all or part of every single one; at one point, we had nine games going simultaneously, divided between:

• An Apple TV;
  
• Two iPads;
• Two phones;
• A computer monitor showing four games in a grid;

In short, it was awesome. Every single team or player I cheer for lost, and after three games this season the Cubs’ number 5 starting pitcher has lost two games despite not actually starting either of them (and in the third game one of their players wore the wrong jersey, maybe the Cubs-iest thing imaginable), but I’ve long said that baseball is more about losing than winning. What’s important is spending a day in the thrall of something you love, with someone whose company you enjoy, eating a truly heinous amount of salt & vinegar chips and sour candy.

Also, Brandon and Danica brought a roast over to watch the How I Met Your Mother finale and except for a certain two minutes, that was lovely, too.

Brandon: Since I didn’t partake in any baseball, I’m just gonna focus on the HIMYM part and say that I loved the finale, and as the night went on, I came to love those final two minutes more and more and more. I’m thinking a full article on that on Monday might be in order, but it nestles itself nicely in as an ending that works perfectly with the framework of a nine season story with little to no “mother”, while offering both characters comfort in those later years. The other part that I love? The creators sticking to their guns. When you’ve built a show like this, you’re never going to get the ending that most people want, but you can sure as hell write the ending you wanted, and be happy with it yourself. The show satisfy’s its own conceit and not everyone’s extrapolated exceptions while remaining true to its intent. I can’t fault any of that.

(And yeah, I wanted Ted and Tracy to be happy forever, because they were absolutely PERFECT for each other… but hey, I also want to spend the rest of the entirety of time with Danica, and I have a feeling science and mortality are going to get in the way of that. For a show that always tipped more towards the “life” part of life vs television, the ending suits.)

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That’s it for the one hundred and thirty-fourth instalment of Um, Actually. Check in every Monday and Thursday for a brand new column. If you have anything you’d like answered, hit up our contact page! If you submit anything via Twitter – to @blogaboutcomics, @Leask, or @soupytoasterson – remember to include the hashtag #UMACTUALLY so that we don’t lose it. Remember: you can ask us anything. Seriously, anything.